I was at work. I looked at the subject line of the email for about 10 seconds before deciding to delete it without opening it. But even the glimpse had planted a nagging seed of insecurity in my head. Could I? Of course I could. Can you really?
I do love a challenge.
As often happens when I get curious, I took a day off from work, citing my grief over Kurt Vonnegut’s death once gain, and went home to experiment. This was perfect! Nobody was home and I had full run of the lab. I assumed my wife was out with her boyfriend, someone who no doubt had already demonstrated his prowess with a bath towel. Well, I would win her back.
I got a towel, I went into our bathroom, and…suddenly felt very foolish. Without opening the email, I had no idea which body part the challenge had been referring to. But I had taken funeral leave, so I couldn’t just do nothing. And thus began the experiment.
The bath towel I chose was blue and it was the heaviest one I could find. I believe it was made of dark matter, which is very heavy and made space and time bend around it. I held my right arm out and draped the towel over it. Easy.
No harder with the left arm. Hmm…
I leaned my head forward and draped it over the back of my neck. Neither this nor the placing of the towel over my outstretched legs had any effect.
I put the towel behind each ear. I draped it over my shoulders, then the tops of my feet. I finally reached the point of frustration where the only solution is to strip down and do a bunch of cartwheels in the buff. I went out onto the lawn, got ready for the first one, looked down and…it hit me!
I got dressed, drove back to work, opened up my work email account, and found the email in the trash folder, which I had forgotten all about. Oh, the whimsy…imagine my embarrassment when I realized what the whole thing was about.
It does seem an odd use for a bath towel. How did this become the standard? In any case I’ll have to work up to it. I’ve been trying to support a tissue all morning and sheepishly report that the quest for the 600 pound deadlift has really taken its toll on other areas.
PS: Just kidding. I bring it like a mad dog who’s been eating thunder and lightning. Ask anyone (that I am married to).
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