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6 Things I Sort Of Keep Hoping I’ll Outgrow

1. South Park

Every single time I watch South Park, I laugh. I laugh because I feel like the writers sit down and try to figure out just what I would laugh at. Then they make an episode. The episode then goes on to serve as many, many people’s social barometer. Often the episode mocks things that are important to me.

But I laugh and laugh and laugh.

I’m not a vulgar person and I’m not cruel. South Park is always vulgar and quite frequently cruel. Heaven help me, I love it. Hypocrite walking among you, that is I.

2. Peeps

I’m not referring to the practice of one referring to friends or acquaintances as their “peeps.” That makes my ears bleed if I hear it and my eyes bleed if I read it.

I’m talking about yellow marshmallow chicks. Pink marshmallow bunnies. Devouring them, tearing their soft bodies with my jagged teeth each and every Easter. I only go on one or two benders a year, and they begin and end with the unassuming Peep.

And you can make them duel.

3. Stoner movies

There are very few movies I feel like I need to see in the theater. When I do go, it’s often because I can actually hang out with a guy friend and we want to laugh. This is how I saw Pineapple Express last year. I went in thinking, “This is so not my style anymore.” Then I laughed through the whole thing.

Later I tried to explain the plot and quote some of the better lines to Janette. She said “This really could have waited until morning.” Shows what she knows.

4. Retro video games

8 bit Nintendo games. The greatest ever. Sometimes it helps me tune the tics out, but just as often it’s nostalgia. Nothing but good memories there. My goal is that one day I will be included as the third Mario Brother.

5. “Dude” and “man”

I rarely refer to anyone by name when I’m talking to them.

6. Stories like this

I can’t remember which book it is, but humorist David Rakoff (99% sure it was him) wrote an essay about attending a theater production of Anne Frank’s story.  Apparently the actress playing Anne Frank was so bad that at the end of the play when the Nazis were breaking into the house, someone in the audience stood up and yelled “She’s in the attic!”

How about you? Anything you’re holding onto that the struggling-to-be-grown-up-part-of-you can’t break up with?


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  • Nate St. Pierre May 6, 2010, 12:19 am

    #1 is so, so good. And so, so spot-on. I feel the exact same way about the show, man. Also, I do #5.

    Thanks – good stuff.

  • John May 6, 2010, 12:41 am

    Saturday morning cartoons that I used to watch as a kid. I can’t help it. I search for the reruns online and I get giddy inside. Makes me sad how much kids these days are deprived of good cartoons that were creatively entertaining.

    There are no more ‘real cartoons’ for the kids anymore.

    • Josh Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 2:08 pm

      what’s your favorite, John?

      • John May 6, 2010, 3:15 pm

        I have a whole host of episodes I like actually:

        Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, Digimon, Pokemon, Ed, Edd n Eddy, PowerPuff Girls, Spiderman, Beetleborgs, The Original Scooby Doo Series, Woody Woodpecker, Stickin’ Around etc..

        So many memories in front of the tube. Some of the happiest times of my life…

  • Flo May 6, 2010, 1:30 am

    A lot of stuff I’m holding on to :). But why should I give it up? I like to read Comic Books in the bathroom, love going to the cinema with friends to worship some pointless action movie, or fooling around with a cute girl (and I mean in the childish sense), laughing about nothing, like two idiots.

    That are some of the little things, that are making life so wonderful – and fun. So why outgrow them. I say, if you lost that, get it back!

    • Josh Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 2:09 pm

      I just watched American Ninja, and Cobra, and Double Impact all in the last 10 days. Pointless action movies: check.

  • Amy Harrison May 6, 2010, 4:37 am


    Murder She Wrote

    Dancing like my dad

    • Josh Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 2:09 pm

      Naps are the greatest thing ever. I will never outgrow them, although I may never get the chance to take another.

  • Boris Bachmann May 6, 2010, 5:41 am

    When with other children of the 80s a steady stream of “dude”s flow out of my mouth. One time, a “dude” slipped while talking to my son and my son said “It sounds like you’re talking to Steve” (an old friend).

    I have too many struggling-to-be-grown-up-parts to mention.

    • Boris Bachmann May 6, 2010, 5:43 am

      Oh, and give me three quarters and I can play Star Castle, Alpine Ski, and Jungle King for hours. Tempest I could play all day and never get bored, but it would cost a lot more.

      • Josh Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 2:09 pm

        I love Jungle King, but I only had it on the Atari 2600.

  • Stephanie Smith May 6, 2010, 7:00 am

    First Josh -don’t wish them away- if you have managed to hang on to things that still give you that “I’m a kid and “now” is all that matters” feeling, be glad. It means life’s harsh lessons have not obliterated the wonder and joy to be found in the nostalgia of days gone by.
    Second- though I grew up a lot faster than I should have had to, I still love leg warmers and the 80’s fashion of leggins and baggy shirts. Grew out of the big hair, but love 80’s music, and the rare day when I sleep in till noon.
    Cotton candy and cheesy carnival rides.

  • Linda Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 7:22 am

    I’m 53 years old and I love it when someone wants me to color with them. I still like to color in a coloring book (especially with new crayons) Mom

  • Hillary May 6, 2010, 7:47 am

    I’ll join you on #5.

  • KSky May 6, 2010, 8:23 am

    Honestly, I may only be 16, but i’ve been playing pokemon for ten years and every time a new game comes out, a little part of me squeals. It’s pathetic.

    • Josh Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 2:10 pm

      It’s not pathetic. Run with it. It won’t be pathetic until you’re 60 and you’re dressed like Pikachu in public.

  • Professor Beej May 6, 2010, 8:27 am

    I do the same thing with almost all of these.

    I find it a little embarrassing, though, when speaking with a colleague and end up letting a “dude” slip in there in conversation. I have to be very careful when talking with my dean or division chair that I don’t slip into that kind of slang.

    • Josh Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 2:11 pm

      No, you just have to bring them into your world. Turn them into hip deans.

  • Srinivas Rao May 6, 2010, 8:45 am


    Personally I hope you don’t outgrow any of these guilty pleasures, except the peeps. Those things are disgusting. Southpark while vulgar is actually one of the most brilliant social commentaries of our time. I think that the writers have of Southpark have evolved more and more over time and really do a great job critiquing pop culture. As far as stoner movies, those are some of the funniest movies I’ve seen.

    MY guilty pleasures are teeny bopper TV shows like 90210, One Tree Hill, and anything else on CWTV. In other words I have the pop culture tastes of a teenage a girl. So maybe these are things I need to outgrow. But I dont see it happening anytime soon.

  • Valerie M May 6, 2010, 10:09 am

    Josh, you and I will get along just fine, my friend. 🙂 I co-sign on you with on all of these. South Park and Super Mario never get old for me. May I add another, rather feminine, twist: Disney movies from the late 80’s to the 90’s. I could watch those movies back to back for days on an end AND sing along to all the songs. Even though heaven knows I can’t sing to save my life.

    And I KNOW there are some guys out there who’d agree to some extent. There wouldn’t be any justice in the world if there weren’t any. 😛

    • Josh Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 2:12 pm

      I still know every single line of the old “the Parent Trap” movie. And Seven Brides For Seven Brothers. I wasn’t really a fan or non-fan, but they were always on in our house.

  • Spray cheese on vanilla ice cream. Once you start, you can’t stop.

    -Joshua Black
    The Underdog Millionaire

    • Josh Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 2:13 pm

      Seriously? I’m intrigued. And shuddering. But intrigued.

  • ami May 6, 2010, 10:33 am

    Southpark is definitely a guilty pleasure. Before I started watching, I looked down on my friends who watched such crass content. And – due to my own snooty attitude – now I can’t admit to them that I love it too! Simpsons falls into the same category.

    I also LOVE goofy animal movies. Ace Ventura is my guy. Eddie Murphy as Dr. Doolittle, check. Tarzan (with Brendan Frazer), yup.

    Kids books. I hope my kids read these until they go to college. Ice cream sundaes and cookies with faces.

    Hmmmm. I don’t think I want to give any of this stuff up.

  • Iain Broome May 6, 2010, 10:47 am

    I still play video games, but I have a (dubious) excuse of working as a writer for a design company that builds games and learning content. It’s harder to use that excuse when you’re playing Call of Duty or Mario Kart though!

  • Paulo Campos May 6, 2010, 11:19 am

    I’m with you on everything but Peeps (which are now forever associated with an unhappy relationship! It’s criminal).

    Mine is Celebrity Apprentice. I watched it once and got hooked. A silly bombastic symphony. But is really well paced and actually suspenseful. A mindless way my wife and I end our weekend.

    • Josh Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 2:15 pm

      I never watched Cel. Apprentice, but I did watch two seasons of normal apprentice with my wife. Mindless is right, but it’s not like anyone forced me to watch it. I was also happily sucked into a Beauty And The Geek 8 hour marathon once on a holiday.

  • Jesse May 6, 2010, 11:45 am

    1. saying, “Huh uhhh”

    2. saying, “Do, toooo”

    3. the aching desire to get the chance to sleep later than 7:30.

  • Randy Hauer May 6, 2010, 2:58 pm

    #1 When we first started corresponding, I felt guilty about laughing so hard at Cartman’s scheme a couple of seasons ago using Tourette’s to get his way. (Cartman singing “I’ve got a golden ticket” from Willy Wonka OMG dude.Surely “tic-ket” was an unintentional pun, though.)
    At any rate, the hallmark of great comedy and satire is it makes us laugh at those things which we take far too seriously. Especially our sense of propriety.

    • Josh Hanagarne May 6, 2010, 3:07 pm

      Most people I know who take South Park personally never watch enough episodes to realize that nobody gets spared. If it was a show about Tourette’s I might get fussy. But the way they do things, if they NEVER got around to making fun of Tourette’s, I might get my feelings hurt!

  • Stephanie Smith May 6, 2010, 4:30 pm

    Oh-forgot the Simpsons- eat my shorts- it’s epic – I almost went into respiratory arrest on the episode where Homer goes bouncing out the ambulance down the ravine into the canyon!!!! Plus, did I mention I had my Dad wearing parachute pants? Yeah -my mom went nuts -at least he didn’t add the Michael glove! 🙂

  • Larissa May 6, 2010, 5:52 pm

    Dancing. I can’t help it. If I’m in the car or washing dishes, a good song comes on, and I have to move. The problem is that it’s bad white girl moves.. . . yeah, we’ll just leave it at that. . . 🙂

  • Mary May 6, 2010, 8:52 pm

    I love Peeps! I also love naps. Took one with my 10 year old about a week ago when he was home sick!

  • Anne Bender May 6, 2010, 9:20 pm

    After watching the ‘Facebook’ episode of South Park my 2 daughters and I walked around the next day saying “poke grandma!” and “so, you don’t want to be my friend?” Fun times.

    Growing up is over-rated. I want to enjoy stupid stuff for the rest of my life. Makes me happy.

    Speaking of things that make me happy… I received my autographed, highly sought after copy of The Knot. Life is good.

  • Amanda May 7, 2010, 2:41 am

    I love, it Josh! Yep, South Park makes me laugh. Peeps is an American colloquialism – we have ‘mates’ here in Australia – which never goes out of fashion and is acceptable across all social classes and both genders. And I still play Galaga occasionally, too.

    When I saw this post pop up in my RSS, I was expecting something really different. It gave me a laugh rather than a series of profound and revealing internalisations (which I still would have enjoyed reading)!

  • We Fly Spitfires May 7, 2010, 9:46 am

    Y’know, I’m pretty happy with my maturity levels and I don’t think there is anything that I’d like to outgrow. Except maybe my Playboy collection.

  • Mary May 7, 2010, 10:40 am

    Oh and I forgot to mention, that I have seen my share of South Park. When my then husband would watch it, I would get sucked in. I would be laughing at things I knew were SO politically incorrect, yet so funny. My favorite thing was when that one kid, and I can’t remember his name, would say, “You will respect my authority(pronounced u thor i tie)” Hope you can figure out my made up phonetic spelling!

  • Buck May 7, 2010, 2:37 pm

    “SHE’S IN THE ATTIC” is the urban legend regarding the Pia Zadora production of “Diary of Anne Frank”.

    • Josh Hanagarne May 7, 2010, 3:05 pm

      Noooo!!!! Thanks Buck. I knew it was too good to be true.

  • Terry Elisabeth May 7, 2010, 7:20 pm

    Excellent post.
    I am holding on to biting the ears off of chocolate rabbits of poor quality every Easter instead of being content with my ladida fancy chocolates. Holding on to Meg Ryan even if she hasn’t made a good movie in a very long while and by good movie I mean a romantic comedy…holding on to romantic comedies or chick flicks. My parents thought I would outgrow American movies. And comedies. But I haven’t.

  • Ashamed May 7, 2010, 11:48 pm

    Dude… #4. You are SPOT ON about the old school video games being a good retreat. The games now, days are just addicting and they are so vivid it leaves nothing to the imagination. Don’t get me wrong MW2 and and BFBC2 and CnC are giants.

    I am shamed to say I’m a 26 year old grad-school bound Psychology student, and I just played Earthbound the other day.

  • Jen May 8, 2010, 7:37 pm

    Old school video games and shows like Are You Afraid of the Dark and All That.

  • Lizzie May 11, 2010, 8:14 pm

    Juice boxes.

  • Redhead Ranting May 18, 2010, 9:28 am

    I’m trying to hold on to everything. I still have a pair of jeans from 8th grade that I refuse to get rid of because one day I might look like a preteen again. I love South Park!

  • Gerry Sellars May 18, 2010, 3:44 pm

    Yo Dude…. Love ya Man…. !
    I have just turned 60 (14 by my wifes measurement) and I agree with everything you said above in your post. I watch Family Guy, South Park, New episodes of The Simpsons, old and new stoner movies and still refer to some of my friends as “spicoli” (obscure Sean Penn) reference. I own an X-Box 360 and play Call Of Duty every day when I should be mowing the lawn. I did my share of drugs back in the 60″s & early 70″s and now the wildest I get is a pint of Guinness down at the pub. I went to a George Thourogood concert the other night and loved it (but I did leave before they performed their new stuff for a 3rd encore). I have my own business and I check my stock portfolio every morning at 6:00AM when the markets open back east, but damn if I am ever going to grow up. I am a 20 year old guy trapped in a 60 year old body but I sure am not going to let my brain slow down, think young, stay young. I can still “Own” my grandkids on the xbox and I am never gonna quit until they throw that first shovel full of dirt in my face.
    Ancien Regime. (the old order)

    • Josh Hanagarne May 18, 2010, 3:52 pm

      Greatest comment ever. Is Spicoli an obscure reference? If so, that’s too bad.

  • Tyler May 19, 2010, 11:54 am

    I’m only 20 years old, but probably until I’m 40 I’ll never be able to outgrow Blink 182. Dude and Man are still there, but i don’t mind that one dude.