I’ve spent the last 24 hours tottering around with tiny little Geisha steps. I put the toe of one size 14 next to the heel of the other, then kind of lurch forward and catch myself before reversing position.
A morning like any other
I was in the elevator at work, staring at my lovely reflection in the burnished doors. Perhaps I smiled at myself. Perhaps I was feeling a bit too smug. A little preemptive on the celebrations.
Perhaps I had simply grown too beauteous for this world.
Whatever it was, my brain had had enough of me.
It sent my knobby right fist careening into my exquisite man-bits, and dropped me onto the floor of the elevator. My fist is about the size of a really big grapefruit. The grapefruit shall always vanquish the grape in high-velocity combat, so let it be written. It was my early day when I’m at work an hour before anyone else, and all I could think was:
Please don’t stop on another floor.
It was a scene I really didn’t want to explain to one of our wonderful custodians.
The doors opened on my floor and I crawled to my desk, groaning like a super-handsome zombie.
Then it happened again. The fibers of the library’s carpet looked really odd, a scant millimeter from my eye.
A long day
By four PM when I left work, I was a mess. I’d puked a couple of times, which all of the guys out there will understand. I tried sitting on my hands when I could, but I had to spend most of the day typing. Typing with your nose drastically decreases your WPM, believe you me. ( I didn’t’ really try it)
“Excuse me sir, I’m looking for a copy of Twilight? Might you help me?”
“I might, but first, wham! No, it’s cool, come back!”
I don’t know what the lesson is. Maybe there’s not one. So I’m just going to quote something that I like and hope it fits in:
“Victory destroys experience.”
This is something Dan John says a lot. Meaning, “A big win can make you forget all of the lessons that finally resulted in that big win.”
I’ve been doing so well that I figured that, while I might have the occasional relapse or really horrible day, it was going to be all uphill from there. Actually, I still figure that, but it doesn’t mean that this doesn’t hurt.
I can take a punch in the face like nobody’s business. A punch in the groin? Still working on it.
And by the way, ladies, everything still works. (And by ladies, I mean Janette!)
Enormo The Geisha
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