Comments on: 5 Reasons Happy Couples Should Spend Time Apart – Guest post by Tara Mohr

By: lbj

lbj — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 00:15:57 +0000

Very insightful. I found this website trying to find people who have experienced their own lives or the lives of their significant other to change when in a relationship. I have just entered into a relationship that is quite different from my previous one in that I feel I need that constant presence and bonding all the time, or I want it at least more than he does. It comes to the point where I lose enthusiasm for what normally makes me happy for lack of his presence. I know this isn’t healthy and I try every day to figure out why i feel that way and try and redirect my energies to something productive. I also found out that he’s pretty much cutting himself off from close friends and colleagues in that he’s communicating with them very cursorily and that I’m the only person he communicates with on a daily basis. This worries me on another level, in that he’s letting me be the be-all and end-all of his social interaction. There are many reasons for this, money being primary, and distance factoring in as well. I see him once a week, and my weeks are now consumed with expectation and excitement for that one day a week I see him. I feel like this is a great change up from my previous relationship in that every time I see him is a treat, every minute is precious, and I never take any of it for granted. If it weren’t for the inability of coping with the absence that I’m working through I’d say it was the ideal set up. It’s difficult to adjust to being away from a loved one for extended periods especially when the love is so new and still developing and exciting. But I definitely agree, the time I spend away from him gives me time to recover and not act rashly on certain decisions, or take his presence for granted. Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

By: Matt

Matt — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 19:06:00 +0000

Hello,

My wife and I have been married for a little more than 2 years. We recently had a fight and we are spending 2 weeks apart. I understand that this is important because I can see how much it is helping her but I am having mood swings because I don’t get to see her or talk to her very often. Is there anything you can think of that may help me enjoy the time apart as much as she does?

I find myself just thinking about her and wondering if she is ok even though I know she is.

Thanks for your help.

By: Josh Hanagarne

Josh Hanagarne — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:56:20 +0000

Isn’t Tara a great writer!

By: Lorelei

Lorelei — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 16:08:23 +0000

This was incredibly enlightening. Thank you.

By: pandadeejay

pandadeejay — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 19:41:15 +0000

My partner went out with his football buddies on a Christmas bash, whilst waiting to meet up with his friends he messaged to say he was missing me and what on earth was he doing going out, he felt like his right arm had been cut off. Within a few hours he got drunk and took someones number, this was 5 months into our relationship, we were in the process of buying a property together. He was repentant, cried, said he wished he had never gone out…. ut now can I TRUST HIM, plus he has wandering eyes and watchs porn. His first wife cheated on him and since then he has drifted from relationship to relationship – seven year itch each time! On the whole he is a good guy but his past is makes me not trust him, worse still he told me he doesn’t trust himself so won’t go out with his friends! He wants us to grow old together but if he doesn’t trust himself, how can i trust him?

By: Nate

Nate — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 16:07:43 +0000

Maybe I’m just insecure… but, I think that a relationship should be more than just casual friends… This really seems like setting yourself up to be let down. I mean, why even bother getting married or having a boyfriend if you dont want to spend time together? Seems to me, when your single… you can do all this with no struggle at all. I meet a chick once or twice a month.. and have a little black book. I know, you would say you are together for a deeper more meaningful relationship… but, I dunno… to me, it sounds like everyone posting here has commitment issues. Wouldn’t you have friends together? Or go on adventures together? What happen to compromising… and sacrificing? After so many years together… doesn’t your eye start to stray? Do you really think time apart is going to be a good thing at that point?

Maybe I’m missing the whole point… or my view is just invalid, and maybe I’m the one that needs to change… I’m open to all suggestions and comments… PS (I never said I was happy with how my life goes.. I would like a real relationship)

By: Linda, from Seattle

Linda, from Seattle — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 18:18:13 +0000

Thank you so much for this post.
I’ve only been married 9 months but have spent most of that time struggling with the togetherness/alone time thing. I need lots of alone time.

I’ve really blended with him too much and now I am left without a lot of the friends I used to have, without the singing lessons I used to love, and without the alone time for writing which I love.

I recently discovered I’m an Empath (http://healing.about.com/cs/empathic/a/uc_empathtraits.htm) and I think this has a lot to do with it. When I’m in the same room as him, it’s very hard for me to feel like I have mental space because I focus so much on his emotions/needs. It makes me a good writer because I can easily sense things, but it’s bad for my sense of self as I live with a man for the first time ever.

He recently went away on business (10 days) and I had the exact same experience you talk about–cooked everything with onions (he hates them) and went to my old singing lessons and spent focused time with dear friends that enrich my life.

I still have a ways to go in figuring this balance out (especially since he moved to Seattle to be with me and is lacking in a social network of his own), but it’s great to know there’s a community of people who don’t feel the need to spend every second with their loved one!

By: Val

Val — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 20:03:47 +0000

I think that by you letting him spend time away for christmas with his family is not quite addressing the issue. It seems that you are worried about people aside from his family (its his friends and coworkers) and that’s a very dangerous thing to put as a constraint in a marriage. If you trust him, there should be no worries about that. You can’t avoid if other girls like him or if his buddies are checking out other girls, but you can trust that he’ll do the right thing. You should feel comfortable with the fact that he has other people in his life that he enjoys spending time with.. on a different level. You should have the same thing with your friends. Independent time (whether it is for weeks, days, or a couple of hours) helps the relationship to grow.

By: Sarah , from London uk

Sarah , from London uk — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 00:27:50 +0000

My relationship has really gone downhill with my husband. We’ve only been married four years and recently he told me he blames me for having put on weight etc and for his friends not staying in touch with him as they all know by now that he’s got a moany wife like me etc, I know none of his friends have actually said that to him though, they’re way too polite. I don’t really like it at all when he spends time with friends.. If it’s work colleagues I’m worried about if one of them fancies him etc or vice versa, and if it’s his other guy mates worried about them sitting in bars looking at other women.. He doesn’t complement me at all anymore and I think maybe that’s why I’m feeling low in self esteem and every other way. He’s a dentist. I’m a lawyer though I’m unemployed at the time.

Would time apart really help? We haven’t had that much time apart (two weeks in last 4 yrs). Shall I let Hom spend Christmas alone with his family in another town this year and not go with him? It’s 3 days away.. Pls someone tell me what to do?