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The Human Conversation In Keywords

Everything means something

Speak to us, O Google Analytics, modern day oracle!

People find this blog in a lot of different ways.  Few are more moving or more hilarious than looking up the phrases and keywords that someone types into Google which eventually lead them to World’s Strongest Librarian.

Some of the phrases are written by people looking for answers.  Others are for people looking for fitness information or book reviews.  Many are completely nonsensical and a few are downright unsavory. A few just make me scratch my head.

Here are some of the best, with some links to the posts that the lucky visitors arrived at:

she lives like an animal

I’m scared to workout

how do I tell  someone I have tourette’s?

I lost my imagination

Josh Hanagarne stupid

How to be smooth with the ladies

Convict Conditioning book review

latex gloves porn

who discovered time?

The burr woman

I want stronger wrists

time travel

O Jerusalem

3,500 blog subscribers

What is  hard work

“Kelly Diels” + Pygmy

Kettlebell bodybuilding librarian

Which kettlebell should I buy?

quotes that will make him think

Lacan tattoo

Adam Glass

I want to get stronger

Neti pot

World’s strongest fish

Where’s Waldo naked clown

If I ran the whole list, it would be nearly 1,000 items long.  Many are just misspellings or variations on what I’ve written above.  Some are too personal to share, and some are so vile that my fingers won’t type the words.

If you blog, I would spend some time getting acquainted with the keywords people find you with.  Not just for the insight into your traffic, but because they show  one more example of our vulnerability, curiosity, humor, appetites, and insecurities.

Josh

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Robby G February 5, 2010, 1:08 am

    Where’s Waldo naked clown hahaha. That’s pretty funny how accurate Google can be.

  • We Fly Spitfires February 5, 2010, 4:59 am

    Loved this article! I immediately ran off to track my stats to see if I any comedy gold in there…

    Turns out my site is quite popular for searches on “fat old men” and “bald men with beards”. Just plain odd. My favourite search term though has to be “my little pony zombie”. Go figure.

    I gotta say your term ““Kelly Diels” + Pygmy” cracked me up. For some reason I always imagined her as being quite petite.

  • Boris Bachmann February 5, 2010, 6:36 am

    Interesting stuff. I did a review of “saline nasal spray” as a supplement that actually works recently – didn’t realize you had already written about the neti pot.

    (For someone who spends as much time on the internet as I do) I am the probably one of the most internet illiterate bloggers around. Things like stats and even paypal are enigmas to me. How do you search for keywords that drive people to your site?

  • Heather February 5, 2010, 8:01 am

    OK Josh, “Lacan Tattoo” has me wondering, I’ll try and find this one later. “Where’s Waldo Naked Clown. . . ” Dude, I probably don’t wanna know, and yet. . . . and yet. . . . and yet, I know I will be compelled to search this later this evening, when I am at home. I already knew about the latex gloves porn one. Worlds Strongest Fish—I knew you were in cahoots with that fish! Great post!

  • Heather February 5, 2010, 8:13 am

    OMG! Still giggling over the tattoo stories! I have a tattoo, and I’m planning on getting another one. Not an “Angle of Death” one, though. . . . f*ck me runnin’ that’s funny! Not a corn dog on my butt, either. That’s funny but gross and too weird, even for me. That old guy in the Daisy Dukes makes me want to stop wearing shorts, though. Just as well. My capris are more comfortable and way more work-appropriate. Thanks for the giggles!

  • ami February 5, 2010, 8:46 am

    I love your list. But would you believe – among the queries that led to MY site were “Josh Hanagarne” and “superhero librarian”?

  • Srinivas Rao February 5, 2010, 9:28 am

    Good stuff. I’m gonna have to go see which strange key words that people search to get to my blog.

  • Justin Matthews February 5, 2010, 10:31 am

    I found you by a good old referral. I am going to go try to find my site with strange words and mystical phrases.
    thanks!

  • Sam Diener February 5, 2010, 1:19 pm

    Josh – If you look at my site, you will know how I found you. That being said… I have some interesting ones…

    cool and quick handshakes 2 do with a guy

    finding your initials when you wipe your ass

    guy didn’t respond to facebook

    hand shakes for bffs

    viagra lawsuits texas sam diener

    i have a friend that considers me a “close friend”, but i don’t feel the same way

    i wanted to say hi but the words just wouldn’t come out

    dr. samuel diener (ill take it)

  • Todd February 5, 2010, 2:10 pm

    A few of my faves:
    Josh Hanagarne stupid (Are they looking for your evil twin… you know, the one with the goatee?)
    How to be smooth with the ladies – That’s just pure awesomeness

  • Kelly Diels February 5, 2010, 5:46 pm

    I am hugely TALL! I am five foot six inches TALL! I can almost see the top of the refrigerator if I stand on something!

    also. I have objected to the term pygmy, not just on a practical level – I am TALL, DAMMIT – but also because it is not the right word. The people y’all are referring to as pygmies are Twa.

    And seriously? That was a search term? I’m so happy. Now please e-mail me the list of the offensive ones that you didn’t write up, here.

    My search terms are …we won’t even go there.

  • Daisy February 5, 2010, 8:17 pm

    I had to click on the Neti Pot post. How did I miss this one the first time? I must have been too sick to blog that week.

  • Laura Cococcia February 6, 2010, 11:55 am

    I just spent an hour looking at my GA and oh boy, there are some interesting ones. Thankfully, my blog and my name came up at the top, but my favorites were “Adult Children of Alcoholics” and “hugs” – got a lot of traffic from those.

  • lena February 6, 2010, 12:15 pm

    I seriously love your list!
    Mine is way less funny I believe – most of people from google come after searching for forgiveness after cheating, some want to know what to do not to fall asleep in the office and the rest are wondering what happens to us when we grow up. Pretty boring list but says something about human nature as well.

  • Andrew February 6, 2010, 3:22 pm

    I loved “Where’s Waldo naked clown”, isn’t that what we’re all searching for?…. deep inside? (No? Maybe just me).

    Great post, some real inspirational stuff on this blog.

    Andrew

  • Eric C February 6, 2010, 6:27 pm

    I just like the approach of taking the keywords people search for and turning them into an interesting post. Says a lot about the variety of topics you write about.

  • Kimberly February 6, 2010, 10:14 pm

    Oh my gosh, I never thought about doing that! Well, of course I look at the search terms people find my blog with as part of my weekly Analytics review, but I never thought of looking at those terms as blog post material, or really, delving any deeper than merely thinking of them with an SEO-enhancing mindset. But holy great goodness, this is good stuff! I’m thinking, these search terms could be strung together as some kind of free-form poem of sorts. Or how about a nonsensical song of some kind? Or a series of regrigerator magnets? The possibilities are endless; thanks for sharing!

  • Michelle February 7, 2010, 7:24 am

    This list cracked me up… and then resulted in me checking out my google analytics for ages….

    On Taming Time:

    slaying the dragon of delay is no sport for the short-winded meaning

    “fear or afraid of * foolish or stupid” overcome

    For my other site about wedding anniversaries:

    jade tie pin

    ruby red nasturtium

    “two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one” hindu wedding invitation

    365 love jar

    45 sapphire gift

    albert einstein’s wedding invitation for his first marriage

    beautiful like the full moon full like the glowing sun

    how to say “special shout out to..” in french

    jie hun zhou nian ji nian kuai le+translate to english

    outrageous interactive party games for adults

    There were just so many, and so many keywords. Lucky GA has the sort feature where you can exclude or include words!! Otherwise this would have taken hours.

    PS I found your blog through problogger. I’m liking it!!

    • Josh Hanagarne February 7, 2010, 4:49 pm

      Good grief, that is really a weird list. Glad you made it over here!

  • Alex Blackwell February 7, 2010, 3:26 pm

    Wow, just took a look at some of my search terms. It’s amazing how many people search for my blog by using my name as the term – kinda makes me paranoid!

    Alex