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300th Post Celebration: Finally Interviewed By Someone Who Hates Me

The Challenger

Good grief, somebody watched Frost/Nixon too many times.  I’m not sure what his problem was, but Teen Wolf had been hounding (sorry) me for months and months for an interview. I usually jump at the chance to get my name out there, and interviews have been a greatway to do it.

But I could sense something wrong, something false behind his requests for an interview. I talked to a friend who said, “Look, any publicity is good publicity. Just do it. He’ll throw you softballs.

The interview went on forever, so I’m only able to reproduce the following excerpt. We’re jumping in here just as things were starting to get heated, and we’re exiting before things actually got violent.

Josh: What do you mean, “How does it feel to be a big stupid four eyes?” I might just as well ask you how it felt to release your stupid movie in 1985? Must have been bittersweet, your big turn in the spotlight coming on the heels of Ghostbusters, Spinal Tap, The Temple of Doom, Gremlins, Amadeus, and Repo Man. Good grief, even Starman was better than Teen Wolf.

Teen Wolf: But none of those movies had break dancing in them.

Josh: Breakin’ came out in 1984 as well.  Teen wolf had that one shot in the hallway where that black guy gives you five after you do a poor back spin.  Watch Breakin’. You’ve got nothing on Turbo and Ozone.

Teen Wolf: Yeah, well, did you see that scene with Pam where, after we’re doing the play rehearsal, she takes off her–

Josh: That was in the script, though, right?

Teen Wolf:

Josh: She had to do that because that’s what the script said.

Teen Wolf: Didn’t you mean to say, “My name is Josh.  DUR.  DUR DUR DUR.  I’m a big know-it-all idiot!  DUR.”

Josh: That doesn’t sound like something I’d say.

Teen Wolf: Yeah, well, did you see how when I walked into the gym at the big dance, how the music changes, and the song is that “Big Bad Wolf” song, and how everyone starts doing the wolf dance?  I bet that made you jealous.

Josh: Please.  When I walk into a library, everyone starts doing the Overdue Book dance.  It’s way cooler, and I never have to wait for an occasion like a big school dance to drive people wild.

Teen Wolf: But I totally won the basketball game with those free throws at the very end, and I taught everyone a valuable lesson about being themself.

Josh: Themselves.

Teen Wolf: What?

Josh: You meant to say “themselves.”

Teen Wolf: Shut up.

Josh: As for those free throws, I do have a question about them.  Why was Mick allowed–

Teen Wolf: I showed Mick, that’s for sure.  What?  What?  Nothing to say?

Josh: —allowed to stand under the basket and glare at you while you shot?  I mean, the game was over.  He should have sat on the bench with everyone else.  In a movie about a teenage werewolf, this might have been the most implausible part.

Teen Wolf: Well, you obviously never played bas–

Josh: Oh, I did.  I once won a game against our most hated rivals by stealing the ball at the last second. They had been chanting “Twitch! Twitch! Twitch!” the whole game.  I had long red hair in dreadlocks, and I was skinny and had Tourette’s, so hostile crowds always loved me.  But I won the game, and then I ran out to center court and stomped on top of their mascot.  The crowd erupted, but they erupted in my direction.  That’s way better than your stupid free throws.

Teen Wolf: Is not.

Josh: My real question about the end of your game–

Teen Wolf: (baby voice) My weal kweshion about the end of your game

Josh: Up in the crowd, after you make those free throws–they were in the script as well, let’s not forget–in the upper right corner of the bleachers, there’s a guy with his fly undone.  Then, when the camera shows the crowd, he zips up his pants really fast.  Was he a friend of yours?

Teen Wolf:

Josh: Well?

Teen Wolf: Pamela totally wanted to kiss me!  She did!  It wasn’t because of the script.

Josh: Yeah.  1984 was a good year for movies.

Teen Wolf: Okay?  And your point is?

Josh: Yours came out in 1985, right?

At this point, Teen Wolf leaped across the desk at me.  He was immediately dealt with in a manner that did not please him greatly.  And though he will spend the rest of his days with a sippy cup, I am pleased that he was able to share post 300 with me.

Josh

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Dean Dwyer @ QuitBit January 21, 2010, 5:19 am

    It could have been worse Josh. If you had been interviewed by someone like Darth Vader, he could have gotten really pissed and killed you with a thought so all in all you have to consider that interview a success.

  • Julianne Fuchs-Musgrave January 21, 2010, 5:27 am

    Does the fact that the exchange concerning “themselves” solidified my disgust and horror mean I’m old–or just crabby. Great post! It’s always good to laugh before 6:30 a.m.

  • Todd January 21, 2010, 7:21 am

    But isn’t the “Overdue Book dance” just a ripoff of the Time Warp? I’m just sayin’…

    Congrats on 300. That’s awesome. We’re slowly creeping up on our century post.

    • Josh Hanagarne January 21, 2010, 8:38 am

      I don’t know the time warp. Please film yourself and send a video.

  • Heather January 21, 2010, 7:42 am

    Congrats on 300! This was great! I <3 the Overdue Book Dance!

  • We Fly Spitfires January 21, 2010, 8:46 am

    Awesome post 😀 I love Teen Wolf! Check out funny vid about Teen Wolf if you haven’t already seen it, Josh.

    http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/1e5af33246/teen-wolf-from-summeroftears

    Big grats on the 300th post too!

  • Cathy N. January 21, 2010, 9:11 am

    Seriously? You don’t know the Time Warp? It’s just a jump to the left …

  • Randy January 21, 2010, 9:12 am

    The crowd erupted in your direction? Yikes.

    • Josh Hanagarne January 21, 2010, 11:40 am

      Randy, it was actually kind of scary, but it was worth it. The coaches and security guards hustled us into the locker room. We hated that team. Even our cheerleaders hated their cheerleaders.

      • Randy January 21, 2010, 1:25 pm

        at least they kept the zippers up.

  • Justin Matthews January 21, 2010, 9:35 am

    Hilarious post Josh! Congrats on 300. I always kind of liked Teen Wolf but now I can see he was just a whiny puppy.

    Josh: Yeah. 1984 was a good year for movies.
    Teen Wolf: Okay? And your point is?
    Josh: Yours came out in 1985, right?

    Genius smart aleck comment…..I can’t wait to see what the next 300 brings, more pummeling of aging movie characters?
    -Justin

    • Josh Hanagarne January 21, 2010, 11:40 am

      Perhaps. Any nominations for future interviews?

      • Justin Matthews January 21, 2010, 12:24 pm

        Remo Williams could use a whuppin’. The Adventure began in 1985 and could end up in 2010 UNDER a kettlebell…..

  • Aaron January 21, 2010, 10:14 am

    Nicely done. It takes me back to the 80’s when van surfing was Rad! None of this ghost ride the whip stuff. Teen Wolf might have ruled the mid 80’s but…who dominated the 90’s. Oh you know who it is. That’s right…Rob Van Winkle. Josh, has there been an interview or any plans of one? ” Drop that zero and get with the hero! ” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrzp1zGuxbM

    • Josh Hanagarne January 21, 2010, 10:25 am

      Aaron, I’m on it. Man, we spent too many weekends with Rob, didn’t we?

      • Aaron January 21, 2010, 10:42 am

        Hours of entertainment! It takes a strong teacher like Rob to show you everything in life you don’t want to end up like:o ” Slice like a ninja, cut like a razor blade! “

  • Colin Wright January 21, 2010, 11:10 am

    There are no words.

    Oh wait, there are a few: “Give me a keg of beer…and these.”

  • Casey Brazeal (North and Clark) January 21, 2010, 11:52 am

    I have been away from this blog too long. It’s is getting mondo-80s-strange. Teen wolf as a villainous interviewer? Everyday the world is new.

    • Josh Hanagarne January 21, 2010, 3:33 pm

      Every day I create the world. Every night, I burn it down.

      • Teena February 18, 2010, 12:22 pm

        Are you by chance a Langolier? : )

  • Boris Bachmann January 21, 2010, 3:22 pm

    The Time Warp = (a dance from) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
    If you go to see it in the theatre (which is the ONLY way to see it), don’t tell anyone it’s your first time…

    How about an interview w. Buddy Revell from 3 O’Clock High, Danny Vermin from Johnny Dangerously, or Chet from Weird Science?

    • Josh Hanagarne January 21, 2010, 3:32 pm

      I LOVED 3 O’clock high. Boris, you need to come to Adam’s workshop in February so I can meet you!

  • Janine January 21, 2010, 6:09 pm

    that was hilarious!

  • Boris Bachmann January 21, 2010, 6:50 pm

    Probably won’t be able to make it but I’ll look into it Josh. I’d like to meet you and Adam sometime for sure. I’ve met Brad, but haven’t had the pleasure of watching him teach yet.

    3 O’Clock High is an 80s classic fo sho.

  • Eric January 21, 2010, 7:13 pm

    Ha! You had me going for a minute. I thought Teen Wolf was somebody’s screen name. 1985 wasn’t to shabby on the movie scene though, with the likes of The Goonies and Pee Wees Big Adventure. “The stars at night are big and bright…”

  • Terrence January 22, 2010, 8:09 am

    Josh, violence is never the answer!!

    • Josh Hanagarne January 22, 2010, 9:22 am

      It’s okay when it’s perpetrated on a fictitious werewolf.

  • Marc Wyzykowski January 22, 2010, 1:21 pm

    Teen Wolf would be “middle-aged crisis-wolf” now.

  • adam glass January 22, 2010, 8:41 pm

    so beautiful, and so strange…

  • Philippe Til January 25, 2010, 4:11 pm

    The best part of “Breakin” was the cameo by Jean-Claude Van Damme showing off his pecs (and I think he may have been wearing supa-tight spandex…)

  • Teena February 18, 2010, 12:25 pm

    I thought I was the only one on the planet that ever saw the guy with his pants unzipped….and I saw it the very first time I watched the movie! Thanks for asking Teen Wolf about that! I can’t believe the editor missed it! He must have been bored to sleep by that point! : )

    • Josh Hanagarne February 18, 2010, 1:10 pm

      Maybe it was the editor:)

      • Teena February 18, 2010, 1:25 pm

        That thought had never occurred to me! His one chance to be really noticed….outside of the credits….and zipper! : )