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How To Be Smooth With The Ladies: Results 100% Guaranteed

Actually, now I just remembered that I did that post about losing the Spelling Bee a while ago, so I take that part back.


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  • Kris Wragg January 11, 2010, 5:31 am

    I need to re-think watching your videos at work, I nearly burst out in hysterics with the hair stomping and finger biting!

    Also, a whole video without a single tick, awesome 🙂

    • Josh Hanagarne January 11, 2010, 9:58 am

      Yeah, as long as I’m talking, the tics aren’t usually there. But it makes me a bad listener sometimes.

  • Darte January 11, 2010, 5:40 am


    The second story really cracks me up(did she have at least shoudler length hair?). but the last few sentences were golden, you always know something good might happens if a girl sticks long enough.

    smooth is not the way, slick is !

  • Laura Cococcia January 11, 2010, 6:10 am

    Hair on fire girl … I feel terrible for her. But you are as smooth as they come. Just stomp it out.

    As I’ve said repeatedly for months, God bless Janette.

    • Josh Hanagarne January 11, 2010, 9:57 am

      Janette is the prime victim of my smoothness. She is helpless to resist my charms, except when she isn’t, which is most of the time.

  • Dean Dwyer@QuitBit January 11, 2010, 6:19 am

    hey JH,

    It’s funny you post this. On Friday I posted a story on a blind date I had that went awry. I titled it’ “The Strike-out Artist.” While I can speak Spanish much better now, my first foray into the language was quite painful. Here is a sample of my smoothness wit da ladies.

    Having never eaten Mexican food before, I ordered the Fajita. I quickly discovered that eating Mexican food is easy, pronouncing it is another matter altogether. For the Spanish impaired, it should be noted that the “j” in fajita is NOT pronounced like the “j” in jackass. The “Fajeta” I asked for sounded more like a part of the female reproductive system; possibly something connected to the vagina. This might explain the looks of disgust I received from all the women within ear shot. Strike one!

    There are 3 other strikes if you care to read more of my dating lameness.


    But I feel your pain my brotha’.


    • Josh Hanagarne January 11, 2010, 9:57 am

      Oh man. There are a lot of poor pronunciation and language barrier stories out there. Glad you have one, Dean:)

  • miles January 11, 2010, 6:46 am

    The burger and finger, cracked me up.

  • Terrence January 11, 2010, 7:10 am

    Playa, Playa!! You got game my man!! You got game!! I respect game!! Hey, that stomping the hair my turn some women on!! I’m gonna try it!!

    P.S. To all of ya’ll that are hatin’ on the video: Don’t hate the playa, Hate The Game!!

  • Boris Bachmann January 11, 2010, 9:24 am

    If you were still single and in college, that t-shirt would be a guaranteed betty-magnet.

    “I wanna see the fire.” = a new classic line.

    • Josh Hanagarne January 11, 2010, 9:56 am

      I’ve been thinking about making a T-shirt for the blog. Maybe that will be it.

  • Heather January 11, 2010, 9:41 am

    OMG! The fire one was my fave! You should use this stuff in movies! Hilarious! Who says geeks don’t get no play, yo! Sounds to me like you were having a great time!

  • Kevin January 11, 2010, 9:52 am

    Dude you need a warnning on this that it shouldn’t be played at work. I was cracking up.

    Since were sharing I’ll share my best all time line used in a bar in college, the timing was there so it did work sort of.

    Here is the situation, me and this other guy who I was friendly with were both trying to pick up this girl. She was enjoying the attention. She had pretty much figured out that I was harmless and he was an @&$, but I was too dumb to know that and then I come out with this awesome line. “Amy, listen just call me buda rub my belly and make a wish.”

    Now that was a game changing line. She did leave the bar with me, promptly kissed me on the cheek and said your so funny. I never saw her again.

    • Josh Hanagarne January 11, 2010, 9:55 am

      Can’t do it, Kevin. I’m never sure if something’s going to be funny or not. You’ll just have to develop some restraint at work.

      • Kevin January 12, 2010, 9:26 am

        I don’t believe in restraint at work. They’ll just have to live with it.

  • roxthefoxthebabygoldilox January 11, 2010, 11:09 am

    Burns so much when orange juice comes out my nose! Thanks Josh! I needed to detoxify. Oh so funny!

  • Casey Brazeal (North and Clark) January 11, 2010, 11:28 am

    Irony doesn’t always translate well to tin-eared censors.

  • Cheryl from thatgirlisfunny January 11, 2010, 11:41 am

    Note to Self: Keep hair, fingers and small people away from Josh Hanagarne.

    I wouldn’t have been surprised to hear a story about you picking up some poor damsel and hoisting her over your head to demonstrate your strength. Real smooth, dude. You got it going on! Definite Chick-Magnet.

  • Linda Hanagarne January 11, 2010, 11:57 am

    ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Not one word about the giant burned spot in my brand new carpet and the tears I shed. Her hair grew back – the carpet -not so much…….. You still owe me for that carpet. Mom

    • Josh Hanagarne January 11, 2010, 12:02 pm

      Mom, I just put a check for one hundred billion dollars in the mail. And I thought those were tears of joy, or I would have apologized earlier.

      • Megan Horton January 11, 2010, 6:29 pm

        I remember this too. Very funny.

  • Niel January 11, 2010, 12:14 pm

    That first story was suave, but then the other 2 were just….something else.

    And the shirt’s awesome.

    • Josh Hanagarne January 11, 2010, 1:24 pm

      Niel, Boris who comments here sometimes sent this to me from Squat RX. It’s my new favorite shirt.

  • Patrenia January 11, 2010, 12:58 pm

    O.k. I’m set for the day. I’ve gotten my daily dose of laughs from Josh. This was hilarious!!!

    • Josh Hanagarne January 11, 2010, 1:25 pm

      What was hilarious? This was the most serious I think I’ve ever been.

  • Megan Horton January 11, 2010, 6:28 pm

    Oh man I remember that Thanksgiving when you brought that girl and all her friends back home. Wasn’t one of them calling herself “mama” for some reason?

  • Srinivas Rao January 11, 2010, 11:33 pm

    Good stuff as always. That story about the hair on fire was priceless. Do you know what ever happened to that girl? It’d be funny to get her to read your blog and comment on this :). Unless I’m @Megan Horton is the girl and I didn’t deduce that.

  • Stephanie Smith January 12, 2010, 5:16 pm

    Josh, That was great! I needed the laugh and the hair story did it. Then the blood…That really cements things – I am suprised you are not with that one. On my husband & my second date, we had been dacing and were slightly inebriated(translation drunk) and we went to eat at the Waffle house. Well, he decided to be funny and ask me if I knew it was a scientific fact that your hand is bigger than your face. Yup -you guessed it – like a dummy I stuck my hand in front of my face and he knocked it, so I hit myself. So I pulled my pocket knife and cut his arm open. Seemed like a fair trade-then he was still laughing, so I poured salt over it. The people in the booth behind us left, but 8 years later, we are more in love than ever!!

  • Wilson Usman January 13, 2010, 9:55 am

    Love the blog man…first time here. Me and my girl just watched the video and we were CRACKIN UP!!! Reminded me of my good days of smoothness…not really! I always just used the “you want to kiss me dont ya” line. Not always worked but I just played the numbers game. the more I said it the better chances I had

    • Josh Hanagarne January 13, 2010, 9:56 am

      Wilson, you’re right–nobody can fight it forever. You just have to beg more than the next guy.

  • Sam Diener January 16, 2010, 1:08 pm

    Josh – great video. I was dying.


  • Ash January 21, 2010, 8:37 am

    Stop being so funny. Really, it makes me feel like a big, giant, boring loser. Haha, you’re fantastic.