Author’s update: Adam T. Glass has made a convincing case to join my gang. I am bumping Pinhead to honorable mention, but if he shows up to complain, Adam will have to fight him off.
The other night I was out alone on our street, getting something out of my truck. It was a rare, silent moment in our neighborhood. Without reason, I suddenly felt exposed, vulnerable. My heart raced and I hurried inside.
Stupid, I thought, once I was sitting on my couch. But the feeling of anxiety persisted for a while. So, to make myself feel better, I began picking out members of the gang that I would summon, should serious trouble ever really befall me.
Not an hour had passed before they had all agreed to come and fight with me, should I ever need them.
Pinhead is pretty much the king of Hell. He’s very tough, has a scary voice, and all of the nails sticking out of his skull are intimidating, in my cowardly opinion. When he says things like “I long to bathe in your tears,” nobody feels brave for too long.
2.Dalton From Roadhouse
Come on now, do I really have to elaborate on this? The baddest bouncer with the feathered hair and the philosophy PhD from NYU? Lines like “Nobody wins a fight” would quickly defuse most situations.
If you have to ask, you’re not ready for the answer.
Aka Prince Mumwalde, this guy knew how to get things done. He sounded a lot like Darth Vader and the ladies couldn’t resist him. Also, my dad has his autograph.
Gangs of New York wasn’t perfect, but Bill was. Fashion sense, good with a cleaver, disorienting diction, and a glass eye that he could tap on with the point of a knife for emphasis.
How about you? Now, if you feel like coming for me, you know what you’ll be up against. I suggest you put your own gang together.
Who’s with you?
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