Comments on: Another Look At Coping

By: Josh Hanagarne

Josh Hanagarne — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 17:01:25 +0000

That’s awesome. Good for her.

By: Stephanie Smith

Stephanie Smith — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 15:30:20 +0000

Josh,
I posted that article link on my Facebook because I wanted my mom to see and read it. She has survived many thing from abuse to cancer and she has been a perpetually unhappy person for much of my life. Sometimes when you are close to someone who is surviving or even trying to cope, it is easy to drift away since talking with that person can be a real drain.
The key for me was honesty and balance. I let her “wallow” so to speak for awhile, then I try to turn the conversation elsewhere to give her other things to think about. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but when you love someone, all you can do is try. I also found the courage to tell her if I couldn’t handle her problems at the time. If I was dealing with my own issues, I have said to her:”Mom, I just don’t have the emotional reserves right now to deal with your unhappiness on top of my own junk.” I was scared to say it, but suprisingly, she took it well and said it made her feel like I trusted and respected her enough to tell her when it was too much.
This Christmas, even though I have had the flu for the last 2 weeks, my mom gave me a card that showed she really felt upbeat for the first time in a long time. It was a great gift.

By: Beth L. Gainer

Beth L. Gainer — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 19:04:55 +0000

I think there’s an ebb and flow. Sometimes we just need to cope until we start toward a more proactive path. I want to give up my pity parties, but I know I also need them as a rest stop until I propel myself forward again.

The topics of books your patrons check out is haunting. It sounds like so many people out there are looking for that easy fix. I wish they knew that there isn’t one.

By: Another Look At Coping « Catharsis of the Bogue

Another Look At Coping « Catharsis of the Bogue — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 06:15:01 +0000

[...] December 27, 2009 by delphiusbogue Another Look At Coping [...]

By: Srinivas Rao

Srinivas Rao — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 04:04:08 +0000

Josh,

I think when we try only to survive we really don’t put our best foot forward. It’s almost as though we are dealing with the symptoms rather than the cause.

By: Josh Hanagarne

Josh Hanagarne — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 01:00:58 +0000

Wendy, thanks for sharing.

By: Josh Hanagarne

Josh Hanagarne — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 01:00:46 +0000

Hi Mike. Welcome to the show.

By: Mike

Mike — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 00:45:53 +0000

First time here and I like what I see. Absolutely agree with your sentiments regarding survival as an intermediate step and not one to spend considerable amounts of time.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 20:04:57 +0000

Wow, do you just want to hug people? They’re asking for books to try to deal with problems that they might not have even talked to a doctor or a close friend about. That takes courage. Been there.

After having two stillborn babies, my husband and I were just trying to cope with our grief and make it through daily life. I read so many books, trying to make sense of what had happened and trying to understand the mechanics of grief. We attended a support group (SHARE Parents of Utah) where we met other families dealing with similar loss and I think it saved us. Coping with our own loss eventually turned into helping others, the newcomers, their grief so raw and terrible, and not knowing how they would ever feel right again. I became a leader in the group, running meetings, taking phone calls and arriving at the hospital to reassure new parents that it was okay to hold and love and take pictures of their tiny, still babies.

I was able to find joy again and meaning in our own trial by helping others. That may sound trite or predictable, but it was the next step for us.