It has been both a wonderful and horribly painful six weeks since I asked you the question:
“It” was the hard thing in our lives. “It” was the thing that keeps us up nights and keeps us from reaching our potential. Like usual, my “It” was Tourette’s.
I said that, if I could go back and choose, I would not decide to go through life without the disorder.
When I wrote that, I thought it was true. But part of me wondered if I was fooling myself just to write a good post. Was I trying to fake it until I started believing it? I thought that time would give me the answer, and I wasn’t wrong.
Today I tell you: the last six weeks have been a brutal nightmare. I have hurt myself badly and lost control of my body in ways that I haven’t seen in years.
But not my mind
My answer is the same: I would not change it if I could, but that does not mean that should be the case with anyone else. What I deal with is pitifully easy compared to many of the other challenges people face.
I have learned things in the last six weeks that I could not have learned any other way. My face and body may be the worse for wear from the thrashing they’ve received, but everything else is strong and unblemished. I won an award. I picked up a bunch of new kettlebell clients. I faced down death by Frisbee in Monterey. I set a number of personal records in my strength pursuits.
I may smile with newly cracked teeth, but it’s still a smile.
There is a price to be paid for clarity. Endurance is the only key to many doors worth opening, but it isn’t everything. Sometimes getting rid of “It” would be the very thing keeping the waters murky. But not always. It’s a question I want to continue asking myself, just so I can reevaluate things as I go.
Refuse to cope. Insist on life.
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photo credit: Megyarsh