Being afraid of things like adorable kittens makes you a big sissy.
Being afraid of these things makes you (me) normal:
- Dentists
- Sharks
- Boredom
- Drowning
- Male pattern baldness
- Certain versions of the future
- Impotence
- A world without Lori Franklin
- Cheese famine
- Celine Dion
- Those fish that live on the bottom of the ocean and have giant blind eyes
- Twisted ankles
- These jobs
- Blindness
- Car crashes
- Unscrupulous ninjas without honor codes
- Being watched while you sleep
- Paralysis
- No more nails to bend
- No one left to love
- Rabies
- One scene of Event Horizon
- Cruelty
- Suffocation
- Zombie samurais
- Rats
- Waking up to find that the entire city is deserted
- A cyclops
- Insane murderous cannibal hillbillies
- Having a lot of money and letting it go to your head
- A world without the geniuses who read this blog
Shiver for a bit and then go spend some time petting a baby deer to cheer up.
Josh
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{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Wait, isn’t there a book somewhere about how to survive a zombie attack? Either that, or buddy up with Bruce Campbell and his Boom Stick (:P~). I think there’s also a handbook about becoming a ninja, too. Rogue zombie ninjas with no ethics code and a constant hunger for brains. . . . ::shudder, shudder, shudder::
I believe your thinking of Max Brooks’ Zombie Survival Guide. It’s a great read.
I totally agree on Dentists in the #1 slot, but the sharks…. nope. I’ve been scuba diving all over the world, I’ve seen many sharks. In Tahiti they were like flys, everywhere you looked you could see one. I was in Galapagos with schools of hammerheads. Never felt threatened. Put me in that dentist chair and everything tenses up, go figure!
Wow, that is some scary stuff, especially the insane murderous cannibal hillbillies…ha ha! How about the dentist with crazed expression and running drill (isn’t there a “fun” movie called “The Dentist”)?
It’s funny you mention sharks. The other day when I was surfing a giant fish swims by me, and for a second I thought it was a shark, and it popped out of the water and turned out to be a dolphin. Although, I see sand sharks on almost a daily basis and have just learned to deal with them.
I can’t even imagine. I think the sight of it would have driven me insane in an instant.
Hey Josh,
I’d add to the list:
- No music
What would we move to? Sing to? Dance to? Come together with other awesome people to?
Sports won’t be as adrenaline-filled. Gatherings and parties as joyous. Sex as passionate. Rituals and traditions as romantic.
Simultaneously a hilarious and “that’s so true” list,
Oleg
Oleg, you got that right. A world without music would be a cold, terrifying place indeed.
I notice worms weren’t on the list….
I agree with most of those. Especially sharks. I sit in Denver quite far from an actual shark and still feel scared that one’s going to get me. Also, the hillbillie cannibals? I believe I came up with that one, and you’re right to be scared. Very right. Might just save your life to be on your wits and have your eyes peeled for hillbillies.
Megan, earthworms don’t belong, but I do give you credit for opening my eyes to the cannibal mutants.
what, no clowns?
Hi Josh!! Yep, i agree with you on the list. But I would have to say being buried alive is another one. I hope I could understand number 10 =S
i think you should have just put ,a blind dentist with male pattern baldness that has rabies and is a canibal that just listened to celine dion.and had no cheese to eat,thats what we are really afraid of, atleast here in new mexico anywho.
John, where does impotence fit into that?
#8 is truly terrifying. That girl is so many kinds of awesome that it makes Michael Jordan jealous.
Oh, please, Jay, Michael Jordan??????
Have you been smokin’ something you don’t want to tell me about? (lol)
#32 http://bit.ly/3Naa23
Shane, I saw the giant tic tac toe board and exited. I knew something was about to jump out at me.
I love it! But I’d put the Lori one at the very top of the list. I’d sooner spend a month in the dentist’s chair than spend a day without that girl.
Hey Lisis! Holy smokes, I once had a root canal where the numbing meds were put in the wrong root and I felt the whole thing. Do you really know what you’re saying here? The brevity of it????
Thanks, sweets, I feel the same way about you!
Oh… I KNOW what I’m saying. I had all my dental and orthodontic work done in the 80′s, in Costa Rica (a third world country, where anesthesia was “state of the art”). TRUST ME: I loathe the dentist’s chair.
Figures I’d marry Jeff, whose mom is a dental hygienist… he loves to go! (He’s a sick puppy, really.)
Sorry, Josh, we hijacked your comments to have us a little “girl talk” moment.
Oh, I love girl talk. Let’s dish:)
OK, now I’m officially laughing out loud.
I’m serious. Out loud.
Anesthesia = state of the art!
Let’s dish!
This is too much! LOL!
Don’t go starting something you can’t finish, Josh… this thing won’t nest below this level! You two are gonna have to come on over… bring some ice cream… we’ll stay up and talk all night (and braid each other’s hair).
What about sprinklers… not the small ones I mean those huge ones on fields and gold courses.
Now, before anyone says that’s weird think about the fact that you never know when they are gonna pop up. They have extremely high water pressure. You don’t know what direction they will be pointed when they do pop up!! They usually come on during the night or early morning when it’s dark.
When I was five I was walking home from kindergarten (in Panaca NV small town) by myself. Decided to take a shortcut across the baseball field in October. Just so happens they decided to “winterize” the pipes as I was crossing the field!! Sprinklers were popping up left and right… and the water was being blown out at an extremely high pressure… It was a very frightening experience and I am still afraid of sprinklers…. I’m working on facing my fears though haha
Please don’t be afraid of male pattern baldness. Bald is hot. Jean Luc Picard haunts my dreams. Don’t even get me started on LLKoolJ. And when I saw your shiney pated avatar on FB, I thought: damn Janette is SO lucky. And that was totally about the baldness. Your personality does nothing for me.
My personality is crap. Agreed.
And of course the one that gave me the worst chill was “sprained ankles”.
And yes, baby deer do help one forget one’s worries.
I’ve sprained my ankles so many times that it can happen in the blink of an eye. It’s always on my mind.
Oh, how I empathize! And people think I always walk looking down at the ground because I work with animals? I’m watching for holes!
Hey Josh,
I think you got the chick in #8 and #10 confused. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
Thanks, btw, a world without you would pretty much suck.
I want to be you someday.
~xo
Definately dentists, ninjas without honor codes, and zombie samurais. Although, I’m not sure you need to be as specific abou the type of zombie.
Eric, you obviously haven’t run into a samurai zombie. You must be willing to learn from those of us who have made the mistakes so you don’t have to.
I do like the last one.
Here’s a fear to add: Fear of car dealerships. Two hours into waiting for my car to get fixed and my wallet purged….
Hey, you chicken. I thought you were too scared to read these posts. I agree about the car dealers.
Yeah, well after some self-coaching, I managed to pull up your blog. It’s kind of addictive….
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