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Poll: What Was The Weirdest Dream You’ve Ever Had?

angry_chicken

I’ve only ever had one recurring dream.  I am at a silent auction–one of those where everyone sits very still and quiet until they want to bid.  Then they nod their head or make a noise or tug their ear and that counts as a bid.

Of course, because of the Tourette’s, I can’t sit still and I win everything at the auction, but of course I can’t pay for any of it.  I have that dream about once a month.

Weird, but…

That dream can’t enough touch this one

One night I dreamed that I was asleep.  A light outside my window grew brighter and brighter until it forced my eyes open.  From a great distance, I watched myself sit up and stumble to the window.

I threw open the shutters and stared into the smiling face of a comet wearing an eye patch.  The comet’s good eye winked at me.  Suddenly I was flying up, up, into the sky.  I soared past the clouds and was soon orbiting the earth.  I realized that I had been summoned to the sky to find a new constellation.

It was a chicken. 

I saw the great celestial bird by the light of the moon and slowly drifted towards it.  The constellation opened its eyes and snapped at me with its beak.  I plummeted to earth, screaming all the way down.

I landed in front of a movie theater.  I was now wearing a trench coat and holding a six foot party hoagie under my arm.  I walked into the movie theater without paying.  When I entered the lobby, a group of men wearing ski masks jumped out from behind the counter and began menacing the other movie goers with swords.

I brandished the hoagie and laid into them all.  They flew apart and burst into flames.

There was a knock at the door.  The chicken had followed me down from the sky and was looking through the double doors of the cinema.

Then I woke up.

I had forgotten about this dream, but found it last night in an old journal with the notation What is wrong with me? in the margin.

Maybe you can’t beat it for off the wall craziness, but surely you’ve had your own bizarre dreams.

And if you can interpret this dream, I’m all ears. It was fun. The thought of having more dreams like this makes me think I may eventually buckle down find some insomnia relief.

Josh

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  • The Tango Notebook October 17, 2009, 8:13 am

    Being chased by a gorilla only to lose him finally and end up in a circle of people who want to knife fight. I lose. The place where I’m stabbed is the same place as my birthmark on my stomach.

    Coincidence?!?!?!?!

  • Nicholas Cardot October 17, 2009, 12:11 pm

    I have a recurring dream that I have about every month or two also. I’m flying like superman, body parallel to the ground, my hands down at my sides and I’m looking forward. Yet for some reason I can never get more than a couple of feet off of the ground. It’s like I can only fly just above the surface and that’s it. I think that it’s kind of weird.

    • Brian Heys October 21, 2009, 11:43 am

      This is bizarre. I used to get this exact dream as a kid, and I used to fly in just the same way. Now I’m older, I still dream about flying, but now my arms are outstretched in front of me, and I can handle three dimensions – i.e. I’m not stuck to that single plane, 2 or 3 feet off the ground.

  • trillian October 17, 2009, 12:12 pm

    just a couple of weeks ago i had a recurring nerd-chemo dream — two mornings in a row. i was totally bald because i’d shaved my head, and i was talking to the nurse/assistant person who was connecting my i.v. port. i was saying, “this is my second treatment for this course of the taxol/carboplatin cocktail. now. when am i supposed to start noticing that metallic taste people are always talking about?”

    i’m not a recurring dream person; not a medical dream person; lost several people to cancer — but that was over 3 years ago. the dream was weird; the twiceness weirder.

  • Jim Lochner October 17, 2009, 2:01 pm

    I’ve had this dream for as long as I can remember, rearing its odd little head once or twice a year. And, seriously, I’ve had this one since the 70s.

    Okay, so I’m running and being chased by some unseen force. My feet kick out in the middle of the night and many times I’ve woken in the middle of the night, heart racing, in a cold sweat because I nearly kicked my foot through the window next to my bed.

    So chase dreams are fairly common. Except that my chase companion is none other than Mary Tyler Moore, in a bizarre cross between Mary Richards and Laura Petrie. (Think the Petrie hair flip with the Richards wardrobe, except that she’s always wearing a yellow dress.) We’re being chased on this pier and there’s nowhere to go except into the ocean. Now, I abhor the ocean. I don’t trust water I can’t see the bottom of. There are living, breathing things in the ocean and fish that swim in their own pooh (one of the many reasons I can’t eat seafood). We both stay underwater until the bad guys (or whatever they are) finally leave. How we stay underwater and breathe without drowning has yet to be established after all these years. We come out of the water and I look like a dog fresh from his bath. Mary comes out and there’s not a bead of water on her anywhere, hair perfectly coiffed, ready for her next take. How did she emerge looking so well put together and I look like crap? She scotch-guarded her entire body, head to toe. And she’s proud of it! (I can’t blame her considering how good she looked compared to me.)

    Now if you can figure that one out, that would answer some questions I’ve had for the last 30 years or so. 🙂

  • Daisy October 17, 2009, 2:58 pm

    Celestial chicken? Bringing you down to earth, perhaps. the hoagie turned weapon, sword? Perhaps the power of good nutrition – or not. I always thought there was something phallic about a long party sub like that.

  • Craig October 17, 2009, 5:57 pm
  • Gayze October 17, 2009, 8:10 pm

    Josh, maybe it wasn’t a dream. Maybe you were abducted by aliens from the Foghorn Leghorn galaxy, and the trenchcoat was a space suit and the hoagie really a light saber.

    Maybe.

    Oddest dream: I once dreamt I was flying around my best friend’s dining room chandelier chasing Tony Randall (who was also flying) with a pair of scissors.

    I also remember a series of zombie dreams from my teens … people I know and love turn out to be zombies or monsters or alien replicas or … the monstrous details varied but the theme was the same. Always, in the end, it turned out that I, or sometimes I and the person I was on the run with, were the only “real” humans left on the planet. Creepy scary b-sci-fi-movie dreams.

    • Josh Hanagarne October 17, 2009, 9:28 pm

      Gayze, you might be right. It’s really the only thing that makes. I would rather have that dream come true than learn than Janette was a zombie.

  • Gordie Rogers October 17, 2009, 11:52 pm

    Having a chat with Hitler at a Robbie Williams (British pop star) concert.

  • Rob McMurren October 18, 2009, 1:02 pm

    a regular dream i have involves passing bad checks in mexico, getting caught by stereotypical fat mexican sheriff(think fat mouse in speedy gonzales cartoons) and going to jail.
    I have resolved to never visit that country

    • Josh Hanagarne October 18, 2009, 2:26 pm

      Rob, why do you think it is set in Mexico? How much Speedy Gonzales do you watch?

  • Beth L. Gainer October 18, 2009, 1:33 pm

    I had one weird dream just a few days ago:

    There was this opera superhero (he sang at the opera), but he flew up from time to time, hovering over the audience. Anyway, next to the orchestra were a row of cash station machines. The superhero broke into them during the opera, in which he was singing, and as he flew up to get away, the audience was throwing bricks at him.

    I don’t get that one at all. Please still be my friend!

  • Stephanie Smith October 18, 2009, 5:13 pm

    Recurring dream:running away from bad guys while going down a stairwell overflowwing with water and blood mixed from the woman slaughtered in the waterbed upstairs. As the years have brought me to diffferent versions of the dream, I have “trained” my self to attempt to hang on to the dream,that I might change from a scary ending to one in which I victoriously slay the bad guys and escape.
    Of course, escape dreams are usually stress induced, representing a need to change an event or certain situation, most often one that we don’t feel we have control over…or so “they “say.: )
    The chicken one is bizarre…I’ll ponder that and get back to you. I am sure I can come up with some type of outlandish explanation…

  • Louis - Life Lessons October 19, 2009, 7:32 pm

    Nice one Josh. You should make a film out of your dream. LOL. But seriously, that is one heck of a bizarre dream. I’ve had dreams of similar ‘weirdness’ but I can’t remember. I should have made a dream journal.

    I’ve had dreams where in I am fully aware that I am dreaming and I want to wake myself up. I always try to scream but nothing is coming out of my mouth. I want to move my arms and feet but I can’t. It’s as if I am being tortured in my sleep.

    • Josh Hanagarne October 19, 2009, 7:56 pm

      Louis, did you read any of the other dreams here? I don’t even think mine was the weirdest. There is a great story by Harlan Ellison called “I have no mouth and I must scream” that your comment reminded me of. Weird weird weird.

  • Stefan October 20, 2009, 3:00 pm

    One of my most common dreams is one where I walk through a school. There are people everywhere, bright because the sun is shining in, high in roof and there are a beautiful entrance. For some reason I always get happy when having this dream.

    There are a lot of people, usually friends, and we always find fun things to do. Even though it might be bad things sometimes it always makes me happy thanks to this beautiful environment. I’m thinking it might be because I miss the old days in school, but I have no idea since it’s not my school and I have never seen it.

  • Vanessa October 21, 2009, 3:20 pm

    Summoned to the sky, a divine calling. From a ‘one-eyed’ comet.
    You find the purpose of your calling, and it frightens you into a fall. One big question is, what do birds mean to you personally. (in my best Freud impersonation): ‘Perhaps you are equating birds with women or your mother’.
    You walk into the theatre after your great fall, without paying. You manage to wipe-out surprise assassins armed only with your giant hoagie. Whatever just happened with the comet-bird experience gave you a much stronger ego? And the bird returns, had watched your success all along from outside…
    What the hell is wrong with you seriously? HA ha just kidding. I envy your dream.

    My craziest dream ever. It is gross and bizarre and actually came true. Its probably the 5th or so dream I can remember to come true in life.
    Here it goes. Hope youre not eating anything.
    Im alone in my house and my mom comes knocking. She is dressed in all white. The room is too sunny, I remember wishing I had black out curtains. I am busy and only half listening to what she is talking about. Next thing I remember, she walks out of my bathroom and leaves without saying a word. I walk into the bathroom to find she has defecated all over the floor and toilet and wall. And explosion of crap. It was a sh*tastrophe.
    Then I wake up. I wake to an impatient knock at my door. Guess who.
    Its my mom, she has just returned from church and lunch with her sisters and is jabbering about the great time she had. The dream is fresh in my mind so I stop her and her about it. She is completely offended. She thinks it must mean I have no respect for her, or that I am holding deep resentment towards her. Ridiculous! Just a stupid dream I tell her. At that moment she runs to my bathroom… lets just say the dream came true, exactly how I pictured it.
    I had to drive her to the hospital after, severe food poisoning. She was sick for weeks.
    If Im going to have dreams come true why cant it be significant, like save a life or find a missing child? Jeeez. Gross.

    • Josh Hanagarne October 21, 2009, 4:16 pm

      That is horrible. That is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard.

  • Vlad Kroen L. Dzinski August 29, 2012, 4:27 pm

    So I had these dreams…the first one was when I was dreaming that I was dreaming that I was dreaming. (If that wasn’t clear enough, in my dream, I dreamed that I was dreaming.)
    The second one (had it three times before, but the following ones were more ‘intence’) was when some random people came to my door to ask me if I knew about the Lord of the Rings.
    The third one was when I was at this random strip club, and then there were three nude strippers on a stage, but there was a wall separating the strippers from the bar section.
    I was at the bar.
    Next I asked for three Ice Cream cups. I hadn’t even eaten half of my first Ice Cream cup when a stripper asked me out, and then I dated for for awhile…’til Sam from The Lord of the Rings came out of nowhere, took my place as main character, but then later, the stripper cheated on Sam to date a cartoony bear. And then, to win Lucy back (stripper’s name in-dream), Sam had to compete in a totally-random stunt competition, there was 425 stunts total, and the bear won 211, and Sam won 214. And then Sam and Lucy where going back to the appartment, but then the bear, in order to win Lucy back he tried showing off some pots and pans, but Sam and Lucy just left laughing about it. Then I woke up saying “What the fmuck?”.