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A Long-Overdue Confession…Good-Bye For Now

Update: the sound for this video is not working well for some of you.  If you can’t hear the video very well, please try the video on Viddler or Youtube.  That’s gotten better results for some people.  And you’ve all been so kind that I’m a little embarrassed I did this.  But just a little.  I’m not going anywhere.  My poker face is working too well.  Maybe I’m a sociopath.

Back when I wrote Ten Scandalous Confessions Of A Super-Sexy Idiot-Genius, I should have included one more. Now I’m paying for it.

You guys have always done right by me.  I wish I could say I’ve always done right by you.

See you soon…hopefully.


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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Kira October 8, 2009, 1:43 am

    Don’t stress, dude! I’m sure everything will work out.

    Best wishes!

    BTW, I’ve got some stories you might find interesting/foolish/amusing about my own attempts to hide my eye-sight problems from others. We live and learn 🙂

  • Allison Reynolds October 8, 2009, 3:32 am

    HAhaha you freaked me out for a second there.

    Have fun on vacation, or in hospital, or jail or wherever you are going


  • “Firm but fair.” I know you can do it. Sorry, friend, but I agree with Janette. You’ll be fantastic.

  • Gordie Rogers October 8, 2009, 5:39 am

    Man, I thought you were going to tell us that you were going to go to prison or something. Reading camp should be an experience which may inspire lots of blog posts.

    All the best Josh!

  • Shane October 8, 2009, 5:59 am


    I turned my speakers all the way up, and I put the video volume all the way up, and I still cant’ hear what you are saying. Is it just me?

  • Stephanie Smith October 8, 2009, 6:37 am

    Your honesty is the most compelling thing about you and maybe you can set up a remote webcam to “talk to us.”
    I think it will be hard, but you love books and being a librarian and that will increase so much more when you can truly understand every word and expression.
    As a fan, I am behind you all the way!

  • Heather October 8, 2009, 6:39 am

    Dude—are you messing with us? Either way—-hope all goes well. You strike me as a pretty honest cat. Uzbekistan? To READ? Wait a minute here—-dude—-are you messing with us?

  • Stephanie Smith October 8, 2009, 6:43 am

    I forgot to say earlier that this was the LAST thing I would have expected you to say. The location does seem strange – I am sure they have place in the US for reading, so I guess we are all a litlle confused.

  • George Angus October 8, 2009, 6:46 am


    #1 – If what you are saying is for real, then you have quite a pair and I wish you all the success – I know it will turn out fine.

    #2 – If you’re just messing with us, you are some kind of warped! In an amazing way, of course.

    Either way, you’re a real piece of work!


  • TIC (Ben) October 8, 2009, 6:52 am


    While you still can’t read, now is probably the best time to tell you how awesome you are.

    I’m forwarding large print copies of Ulysses, War and Peace, and Gravity’s Rainbow to your reading camp for encouragement–think of them as training wheels.


  • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 7:09 am

    Whew! Actually it turns out I can read. I learned how last night during a dream. I was thinking of something else I can’t do. Consider this whole post a typo. And the video, too.

    And it turns out that the reading camp wouldn’t take me. They don’t like tall people.

    Shane, I’m not sure what was going on with the audio. I can hear it, but it’s definitely lower than normal. I’ll make sure everything is square before I record anything else.

  • Josh's mom October 8, 2009, 7:17 am

    Josh has been reading well since he was four. I think the deep dark secret must be that he lies for his own entertainment. Josh you’ve been watching too much TV where they lead you on and then discover people don’t like the story and they tell you it was all a dream when the next season starts. Remember what I always taught you “honesty is the best policy” and if you lie you get your mouth washed out with soap. Mom

    • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 7:19 am

      @Josh’s Mom: I like soap. This just means I tricked you as well, since I was four years old!

  • Casey October 8, 2009, 7:41 am

    This was just a hoax? Shoot, I was smelling a potential reality series in the making.

    … Maybe I’ll still try and sell it… Bet FOX would take, they’ll show anything!

  • Deb Schiff October 8, 2009, 8:38 am

    This was really weird. Glad I read the comments instead of just watching the video (I also had very low sound, unlike your music video).

  • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 8:43 am

    Deb, I haven’t been able to figure it out. I didn’t change anything on the sound, but it definitely was quiet. Janette noticed it as well.

    I’ve been sick, so my voice is a little weaker than normal, but it doesn’t account for the sound change.

  • john dalton October 8, 2009, 9:22 am

    yea jush i hop yu du guud dare,,i went dare to lern 2 right guuder it wurked.wish u da bestest .and look outt for dem wild women ober dare,,,

  • Megan Horton October 8, 2009, 9:47 am

    Josh I couldn’t hear your post either. I don’t know why. I had the volume all the way up. Maybe I’ve gone deaf? I still don’t know where you’re going, but I figure if it was anywhere major I’d know, being your sister and all.

  • Colin Wright October 8, 2009, 9:50 am

    So I’m pretty sure that was funny, but you have such a good straight-faced delivery that I’m only halfway sure I’m not a jerk for saying that!

    Either way, wherever you’re off to, have a good time and you’ll be missed for the duration!

    • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 9:55 am

      All right, I’m so annoyed that the sound wasn’t working well. Feel free to try this link to Viddler and youtube. They might sound a bit better:

      youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95Z7S4FhdQ8

      Viddler: http://www.viddler.com/explore/joshhanagarne/videos/20/

    • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 9:57 am

      @Colin: I’m not going anywhere. I have too much to do. I think straight-faced can be good and bad. Maybe I’m just a sociopath. I’ll be back tomorrow with some book reviews, now that I learned how to read overnight:) I’ll have that post to you soon, by the way.

      @Megan: You would be the first to know, through your amazing sixth sense.

      @john: wild women? I can’t wait!

  • Gubernatrix - all-round strength training October 8, 2009, 12:03 pm

    You are a one, Josh! It brought to mind that scene in the film Primary Colors where the John Travolta character is listening to that guy telling his story about how he couldn’t read. It’s an incredibly moving story – and yet it is not even the story of the scene. Devilishly clever scripting, that.

    I recently read Man’s Search for Meaning on your recommendation. A startling book, still meditating on it really.

    • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 12:13 pm

      Gubie, you’ll meditate on that book for the rest of your life. I’m thrilled that you read it. I’ve never seen Primary Colors. I’ll take a peep.

  • Craig Brown October 8, 2009, 12:21 pm

    Uzbekistan is sweet! Sorry you’ll miss it this time!

    Loved it!


    “This is not a true tale but
    who need the truth if it’s dull?” –Mason Williams

    • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 2:03 pm

      @Craig: I didn’t expect Mason Williams to show up in this conversation. Bravo!

      @Megan: Indeed. Is that a real question?

      @Jessica M: I can only keep my face straight while I’m being deceptive. Otherwise, it’s a herky-jerky twitch fest. I do like Poker, though.

  • Megan Horton October 8, 2009, 12:52 pm

    Josh! What the crap?

  • Jessica Marie October 8, 2009, 1:26 pm

    Dang….you have the best poker face I have ever seen. Can everyone with TS keep a straight face like that or just you?

  • Megan Horton October 8, 2009, 6:08 pm

    Yes it is a real question. Answer it if you dare….

  • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 6:46 pm

    Megan, I don’t explain myself to lunatic navins. I am reserving my tightest headlock for you at Thanksgiving.

  • Leah October 8, 2009, 7:54 pm

    Good thing you learned to read last night in your dream, because I was going to mail you some brownies, and I think they’d be stale by the time they got to Uzbekistan.

    Man… the old iridium/plutonium switcheroo… My condolences to the families of the two students…

    • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 8:05 pm

      Leah, the students survived, but they each have three lazy eyes now.

  • Ron - Heroic Nature October 8, 2009, 8:17 pm

    WTH? lol. Dude, you “almost” had me going for a minute or two there. I must say, interesting blog post, and it seems like it works! Look at the comments. I think I’ll make a video of me admitting I’m actually the McDonald’s Hamburglar!

    • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 8:43 pm

      Ron: Better do it quick. I’m going to blow the whistle on you!

  • David Cain October 8, 2009, 8:46 pm
  • Kira October 8, 2009, 9:02 pm

    Uzbekistan? I missed that!

    That’s funny dude! But I’m glad you can read 🙂 Trying to be an illiterate librarian would be a difficult ruse to pull off.

    As I mentioned, I often found myself in hot water by neglecting to tell various people about my poor eyesight … particularly when it comes to fighting!

    I’ve always had a bit of a ‘chip on my shoulder’ regarding my (lack of) eye-sight … In fact, that’s the primary reason I’m into muay thai … I may not be able to pass an eye test to get a driver’s license, but it turns out, with a little hard work and clever strategy implementation—I can actually hit people and not get hit … too often 😉

    Anyway, hope your training is going well, dude 🙂

    • Josh Hanagarne October 8, 2009, 9:50 pm

      Kira, my training is going great, thanks. I know you said you’re doing Dagobah Style, The Kettlebell Strikes Back protocols, but I’ve fallen hard for Return of the Kettlebell. There’s nothing rougher than heavy doubles work, except maybe Muay Thai sparring with a truth teller such as yourself. By the way, three smilies in one comment was a lot. I can’t take the pressure of all those eyes.

  • Gordie Rogers October 8, 2009, 10:54 pm

    You were just kidding? Man, I feel so violated. I’m off to take a shower.

    • Josh Hanagarne October 9, 2009, 9:00 am

      Gordie, send me the bill for a bar of soap.

  • Stefan October 9, 2009, 5:30 am

    I found your blog at the Problogger-forum when you made a post about guest posting and I ended up subscribing for your posts.

    A close friend of mine actually has a similar problem but with maths. For some reason she can not solve easy maths problem but everything else she can do fine. Got a bit shocked when you told the truth in the comments. You surely did fool me.

  • Helen Hoefele October 9, 2009, 8:29 am

    I’m just catching up now. You’re amazing, Josh! This post is sure to become a classic. As usual, loving the comments as much as the post. (BTW, you’re not preparing us for a real confession at some later date, are you? perhaps one that we’ll think is a joke but actually isn’t?)

    • Josh Hanagarne October 9, 2009, 8:55 am

      @Helen: I’m sure I’ll do something dumb that will merit a confession later, but I don’t know what it might be yet.

  • Nicholas Cardot October 9, 2009, 9:23 am

    Ha ha. This is the best post I’ve read..err..watched all week. I love it. Great work. This is why we all love you so much.

    • Josh Hanagarne October 9, 2009, 9:31 am

      @Nicholas: I know at least one person here who has told me they love me because of my blue eyes. Glad to know the rest of you love my ruthless cunning and detached capacity for deception.

  • Tessa October 9, 2009, 1:35 pm

    I’ve been reading here for awhile and I just had to weigh in. I thought this was a lame attempt at an Onion-style post (“Librarian Admits He Can’t Read!”) but it just fell flat. It wasn’t very funny or entertaining. It did not work for me. Sorry 🙂

    • Josh Hanagarne October 9, 2009, 1:49 pm

      Tessa, nothing to be sorry about. This wasn’t an attempt at anything. I’m always fascinated by what some people think is funny and what others think is lame. Humor is pretty slippery. I just wanted to see what would happen and have been pretty pleased with the results. Yesterday was by far the highest traffic day I’ve ever had.

  • Ryan October 9, 2009, 3:32 pm

    What really chaps me is all those terrible books you recommended to me and that I actually read! UGH! So all those work breaks and lunches where you were nose deep in a book, those were just you looking at some naughty mens magazine? I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at my stupidity…

    • Josh Hanagarne October 9, 2009, 3:46 pm

      Ryan, it’s not fair, is it? Go find someone who deserves you.

  • Beth L. Gainer October 9, 2009, 9:18 pm

    Wow. This threw me for sure. I was all confused, figured it was a hoax. Please don’t become like Andy Kaufman.

  • Stephanie Smith October 11, 2009, 9:36 am

    OK-Enough! Josh, I actaullay dreamed last night that your mom was yelling at you last night and I was watching her as she said that yes, you CAN read, and it’s not nice to misguide people who have entrusted you with their time and have invested, so to speak in your blog, by their visits and comments! It was way weird and then before I woke up I said “sod off”, which is even more strange since I am NOT English. Gotta be the book I am reading – one of the characters rubbing off???? Hope not, he has fangs…
    Anyway, I had to come tell you about the dream. Obviously -your post had a bigger impact that I thought.
    I would hate for you to stiop blogging, on a serious note, because I really enjoy your stuff.
    Gotta go for a ride to clear the cobwebs now! 🙂

    • Josh Hanagarne October 11, 2009, 10:25 am

      Stephanie, that is a wild dream. Especially the English slang. What book are you reading with fangs in it? I’m not going anywhere, neither is the blog. I promise not to do this again. Maybe.

  • Stephanie Smith October 11, 2009, 1:05 pm

    Josh, You are SOOOOO wrong for the maybe! But I shall be on the watch from now on! Fool me once and all that.
    As for the book…pure drivel for midless entertainment: At Grave’s End by Jeaniene Frost. She’s not bad -my favorite is actually Laurell K. Hamilton for paranormal genre. I seem to have a love for a female vampire hunter who kicks ass. Guess with my love of knives and a slight violent streak, it appeals to the hidden hunter in me! Knives are my favorite weapon and I carry at leat 2 on me at all time. There is just something comforting in it and if things get nasty, well, let’s just say I have never pulled a knife I did not intend to use. Knives force you to respect them and you will be close enough to your opponent to smell their fear, so it is very personal.
    OK-TMI, but hey -after your stunt, this kind of honesty should just be right up your alley.
    I really do carry the cold steel though.
    Lest you wonder, I do enjoy “real” books, so to speak, but the paranormal books that have no real meaning are my way of tuning in and letting go. My parents used to tease that the house could burn down and I’d never notice with my nose in a book. 🙂
    Read some of your posts -awesome, of course, but I can’t wait till you give out some info on your own book.
    Have a vunderful Sunday!