Cheers.

Oh how to master quieting the mind.

I am the queen of circular self arguments. I have literally lost sleep haunted with negative thoughts.

There is a great book I read a while back called the Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout. She contends 1 in every 25 Americans has absolutely no conscience, Sociopaths.

I must be grateful to be of a certain spiritual stock capable of grace, faith, pain, regret and shame. Must cease underrating ourselves. Lucky little animals.

(1) There is nothing more tragic and fragile and beautiful than a woman in distress. Especially someone with grace and intelligence and creativity. And unrealized or, worse, thwarted potential. I bet you thought long and hard about what you would like to do to her oppressor should your paths just so happen to cross, preferably somewhere dark, with no witnesses. There is nothing wrong with wanting to help, and there is nothing wrong with wishing you could do more. And, from time to time, there is nothing wrong with punching someone in the face. I wouldn’t blame you for always wishing that things would have turned out differently. Longing and loving, even if painful, is what makes us who we are. That might not be in full keeping with the way of the animal, but they don’t have opposable thumbs either. Even good analogies can only be pushed so far.

(2) We have all done and said stupid things that should never be repeated. Agonizing over those things any more than absolutely necessary to nudge us in the direction of mostly not doing them again is wasted effort.

(3) Within reason, we should all stop beating ourselves up.

(4) With very few exceptions, we are all our own respective worst critics. And those who aren’t are largely arrogant pricks that could do with a tad more healthy self-loathing.

(5) An apology with full, conscious knowledge that you (a) are not sorry, and (b) will almost certainly do it again is wasted breath. Get it fully out of your system and/or experience genuine sorrow. Until then, you are just wasting time.

Overall, I agree with the idea, but feel that a certain amount of agonizing and doubting and regretting and wondering “what if” is crucial to the human experience. It is not easy. It is not fun. But passion comes from pain and warmth comes from nostalgia. Don’t let it weigh you down, but every once in a while, let it ground you. Because we are ever both who we were and are and will be, all at once. So even though it’s hard, we can never forget, and as long as that allows us to pursue a mostly positive, mostly forward-looking direction, I think that’s okay.