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Mitten Contest! Prize: I’ll Write A Song For You

josh-scratchesHi everyone, I’m going to show you a picture that’s about to shatter all of your illusions about me: I’m actually quite a hideous beast, albeit a happy one.

Those scratches you see over there are the results of the upcoming syfy original, Tics On A Plane. If you’ve got Tourette Syndrome, I’m very happy for you if you’ve never had to deal with scratching tics. What you’re seeing here is the result of a pleasant 80 minute flight. I even got a row to myself!

But no. It was not to be. My scratching tics usually aren’t this physical, so I was unprepared. But now it’s time to get prepared, and I’m going to do this with mittens, which I will wear on planes if/when I need to.

Here’s where you come in. It can’t just be any pair of mittens. They have to be incredibly badass. And I need help finding the perfect pair. So here’s what you can do.

1. Find a picture of some mittens you think are perfect for me, and post a link in the comments. Or email it to me through the contact form.

2. Even better. Make a pair for me. Let your imagination run wild.

I will award the winner a crown of glory and I will write a song on the guitar for you, and it will be named after you. That’s the best I can do.

PS: I’m fine. Better than fine. If you sit around waiting for fairness, you’ll be dead long before fairness comes for you. I’m done waiting.

Let’s go.

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