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A Tale of Two Suze Ormans

Suze Orman

A smiling Suze Orman

She looked down into the cup into which she had nearly poured the tea. Suze Orman’s smiling face stared up at her from the bottom of the cup.

She immediately presented the cup to her tall co-worker. His name was not Josh Hanagarne.

“Did you do this?”

He looked into the cup and laughed. “No, but I wish I had. Who’s she?” he asked, nodding into the depths of the cup.

“You’re the only one I’ve ever heard talking about Suze Orman on this floor.”

This was probably true. He had spent a great deal of time talking about how frightening he found the woman’s smile.

“And you’re always saying you think she looks scary.”

Suze Orman show

Suze Orman on her show

“Are you saying she doesn’t?”

She had a point, though. He said that very thing as often as he saw one of her books. But he had an airtight alibi, and said so. You see, the tall librarian most closely resembled the love child of the Elephant Man and Shrek. Where would he get off saying anything about someone else’s appearance?”

“Hmm…” She wasn’t convinced. She walked away to check her mail, idly stirring her tea with a spoon.

When she reached the cubby in the wall that served as the repository for all of her gripping inter-office correspondence, she found a two inch Suze Orman torso waiting for her, obviously printed from Google Images and then taped at its base so it could stand up and greet everyone. Especially his coworker.

“Did you do this?” she asked again.

He laughed again. “No. I’m not allowed to use tape. I’m too clumsy.”

Over the course of the afternoon she found various incarnations of Suze Orman smiling at her from her keyboard, out of an email, on the work desk where she weeded books, inside at least one book, and oh, let’s say, a few other places.

Finally he had had enough of her accusations, but before he could speak she reached behind him and tore the copy of The Courage To Be Rich he was holding behind his back.

“It’s not what it looks like,” he said. “She has some good financial advice, although I’m not sure how many books ‘Live within your means’ and ‘pay down your debt’ should spread across.  And I agree with her that you should smile. Smile big.”

“You did this.”



His name was not Josh, and he certainly didn’t spend his break today cutting out another picture.


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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Jeanette May 17, 2011, 5:50 pm

    I. Totally. Love. This!!!!